Here am I, Lord.

Another gorgeous day. The sun warmed my neck and the cool breeze kissed my hair. As every other day, I strapped the kids in their carseats – these kids whom I never dreamed I would have – into the very minivan I dreaded to get. Ellie sang another tale; I can’t remember what. Then she smiled, her cobalt eyes screaming all the sweetness God made in her.

Yes, I am undeniably domestic. I live in a little house in the suburbs with my two children. We’re missing the white picket fence, but we’ve got the minivan, the stay-at-home mom, the friends, the backyard … the perfect life. I am living a dream!

I climbed into the driver seat praising God for this van, for this home, for these kids, for my life. I am the richest woman on the planet! I turned the key. The cd player and the van started simultaneously.

“I can feel Your presence here with me.
Suddenly, I’m lost within Your beauty;
Caught up in the wonder of Your touch.
Here in this moment I surrender to Your love.” *

How does God know how I feel? How can He put on the exact song that I need? I want to praise Him! I want to wrap my arms around His holy feet and thank Him for all that He does. I want to plead forgiveness for my ingratitude and my arrogance. I want Him to know all that I cannot express. And He, in His perfect mercy, places the perfect words on my stereo so that I may simply sing along.

I did not want this house. I did not want this van. I abhorred the very thought of living in New Jersey. Here am I, Lord. I treasure this house. I feel blessed with this van. And I love living here! I love my life. You certainly have a sense of humor. I praise You for seeing beyond me and giving me all that I never knew I always wanted. You are so good to me.

* Song lyrics taken from Mercy Me, "Undone" album, c. 2004 WordSpring Music, Inc.