Becoming Disciplined

A while back I wrote a post of random thoughts. It started off talking about me being behind in projects and my love of online word games. My point was it's okay to "waste time" sometimes because maybe you really need a rest. Unfortunately, that wasn't the message that came across, as evidenced by the slew of emails offering tips on organization and self-discipline.

I've never thought of myself as undisciplined. I always follow the rules and get totally peeved at those who don't. I can't even play Memory with my 4-year-old because she wants to peek at more than two cards per turn. Or she steals my matches making it look like she won. Okay, maybe that's bordering on a different neurosis. Digression. My point is I've never considered myself lacking rigidity. I prefer to say I'm flexible. I'm a free spirit.

But the more I thought about the perceptions others had of me, well, maybe their right. A little.

I do what I want to do when I want to do it. I will clean the toilet to procrastinate doing dishes. Not so much because I love scrubbing the can, but merely because I dispise from the very foundation of my being washing dishes. There's no reason why. I just do. And so I don't. That's Rick's job and has been since we got married. Stuff gets done, just not always as quickly as it could; or it's all prioritized funky. I'll pick out paint chips for the room we want to paint next month, but forget to call the doctor about the problem I have today.

Enter lists. Yup, folks, I'm attempting yet another goal, another change in my habits.

You see, I wasn't always this way. Back when I was a working woman I lived by lists. I had lists for everything and I followed them religiously. If it wasn't on a list, it was covered by multiple calendars and maybe a spreadsheet. When I carried these habits into motherhood for a while. I had charts of the infant Ellie's play-time, tummy-time, eating habits, sleeping habits, even excrement patterns. I kept lists of questions for the pediatrician, books to read next, and milestones to watch for.

Eight months later we discovered (much to our surprise) Zach would be joining our family. Between being sick, setting up a second nursery and being forced on bedrest (again), I discovered life is completely out of my hands and beyond the scope of my spreadsheets. With two kids under 18 months of age, I couldn't keep up with my rigid schedules. Perhaps I've boomeranged too far.

I'm trying again. Aren't you excited?

Yesterday was my first day of lists. There were six items to complete before the day was out. By the middle of the afternoon, I'd only crossed off two of them. The only logical thing to do at that point was to add to the list things I had done, just do I could cross them off. I added impressive tasks like "take a shower" and "feed the children." This made me feel a little better, more productive.

Today is Day 2. I have four things remaining from yesterday and six new items (4 of which should have been on yesterday's list, but I forgot until this morning). Wish me luck!