Desiring God
When kids get sick, they get clingy. Cuddling is great, but I need it in moderation. I like my personal space.
As a mom, I don't get much. I've come to terms with the fact I'll never use the toilet alone and will seldom take a shower without playing Peek-a-boo at the same time. There will always be someone touching me while I eat (usually with her feet) and another someone trying to steal my bed at night. Even household chores are group projects. I understand this is just the way things are and I'm okay with that. But after days and nights of touching and hugging and clinging and crying and synchronized poop sessions, I need solitude.
Zach understands. He's an introvert. He likes people, but being with them exhausts him. He needs alone time to re-energize.
I gain energy by being with other adults, but I quickly become drained if my only interaction is with people under three feet tall. After a long day like that, I need quiet to refuel.
And then there's Ellie. The definitive extrovert, she like a leech feeding off the energy of other people. Take away her social life and she quickly shrivels into a weary fount of tears. She can't stand being alone. It's the worse possible punishment for her. It exhausts her and she hates it.
This is why she can't understand my need. She can't get enough of me. We've had almost two weeks with just me and the kids. You'd think she'd be sick of me, but she's not. "Mommy, I want you. I miss you. Sit with me. Play with me." As I stifled another groan from the depths of my I-DON'T-WANT-TO spot, today I recognized the virtue of her affections.
One day in the not too distant future, this daughter of mine will want nothing to do with me. She'll be too cool to hang with her old lady, and I'll be wishing for more quality time with her. But for now she's a child and she adores me. She wants to be with me every second of every day. Why aren't we more like that with God?
We're told only those who become like a child will enter the kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:3). Children love being with their parents. Moms and dads are the most popular people in the world to a preschooler. So, why aren't we seeking our Father with as much persistence, passion and enthusiasm?
When I'm on the phone, Isabel is one step behind me the entire time. Sometimes I'm just walking to walk and sometimes it's an attempt to get away from the kids and actually hear the person on the phone. It doesn't matter to Ellie. She will chase me, anything she needs to do to make sure she's with me, walking in my footsteps. Are you chasing God? Are you desiring nothing more than to be in His shadow, walking in His steps? I hope so.
It's a challenge for me, a source of sanctification and of praise. Isn't it great God never turns us away because He needs quiet? How awesome that He never tires of spending time with us!
As a mom, I don't get much. I've come to terms with the fact I'll never use the toilet alone and will seldom take a shower without playing Peek-a-boo at the same time. There will always be someone touching me while I eat (usually with her feet) and another someone trying to steal my bed at night. Even household chores are group projects. I understand this is just the way things are and I'm okay with that. But after days and nights of touching and hugging and clinging and crying and synchronized poop sessions, I need solitude.
Zach understands. He's an introvert. He likes people, but being with them exhausts him. He needs alone time to re-energize.
I gain energy by being with other adults, but I quickly become drained if my only interaction is with people under three feet tall. After a long day like that, I need quiet to refuel.
And then there's Ellie. The definitive extrovert, she like a leech feeding off the energy of other people. Take away her social life and she quickly shrivels into a weary fount of tears. She can't stand being alone. It's the worse possible punishment for her. It exhausts her and she hates it.This is why she can't understand my need. She can't get enough of me. We've had almost two weeks with just me and the kids. You'd think she'd be sick of me, but she's not. "Mommy, I want you. I miss you. Sit with me. Play with me." As I stifled another groan from the depths of my I-DON'T-WANT-TO spot, today I recognized the virtue of her affections.
One day in the not too distant future, this daughter of mine will want nothing to do with me. She'll be too cool to hang with her old lady, and I'll be wishing for more quality time with her. But for now she's a child and she adores me. She wants to be with me every second of every day. Why aren't we more like that with God?
We're told only those who become like a child will enter the kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:3). Children love being with their parents. Moms and dads are the most popular people in the world to a preschooler. So, why aren't we seeking our Father with as much persistence, passion and enthusiasm?
When I'm on the phone, Isabel is one step behind me the entire time. Sometimes I'm just walking to walk and sometimes it's an attempt to get away from the kids and actually hear the person on the phone. It doesn't matter to Ellie. She will chase me, anything she needs to do to make sure she's with me, walking in my footsteps. Are you chasing God? Are you desiring nothing more than to be in His shadow, walking in His steps? I hope so.
It's a challenge for me, a source of sanctification and of praise. Isn't it great God never turns us away because He needs quiet? How awesome that He never tires of spending time with us!
Labels: child, Father, imitator, parenting, praise, sanctification
2 Comments:
As someone with a personality like yours, I can totally understand your conflict with Ellie...and I applaud you for handling it in a selfless way that allows her to grow and be true to who God has made her.
These are lovely thoughts. First, congratulations for admitting this. Not many women will. It's as if being an individual woman with needs somehow means "bad mother."
I'm 46. I have 3 daughters. 19, 15, and 11.
Let me say that indeed, what you have now you will one day desire. But let me also say that not having them need you this much and not having to change diapers and not having feet shoved on you while eating...you're going to LOVE that. It's as good as you imagine.
Right now you live in a land of diamonds. They are all over the place. Walking on them hurts your feet. You occasionally have to kick them away. You can't POSSIBLY value diamonds like a person who lives in a world where they are hard to find and expensive.
So one day, these moments will be like diamonds. But honestly, when I was your age, I couldn't really see it.
all the best. A thoughtful mother who considers these things is a blessing to her children.
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